Meet Xavier Graves, the dynamic Executive Director of the Restorative Justice Institute of Oklahoma. Xavier is on a mission to transform Oklahoma into a place where healing and equity take center stage, guiding individuals and communities through the sometimes tricky waters of conflict with a blend of compassion and creativity. At The Root Coworking, he’s found his sweet spot—a lively hub that keeps him productive while allowing for genuine connections. Inspired by voices like Audre Lorde, Xavier believes in the power of self-definition and personal liberation. He’s also on a quest to hone his writing skills, hoping to capture the emotional depths of his ideas, all while championing systemic change and making sure every voice is heard.
The Restorative Justice Institute of Oklahoma (RJIOK) is a pioneering leader in restorative justice in the state. Restorative justice is a communal approach to dealing with harm that focuses on relationships over rules. Rooted in Indigenous cultural practices around the world, restorative justice centers the person who has experienced the harm by prioritizing their needs and their healing. RJIOK cultivates healthy schools, homes, and workplaces. Its work enhances communities and encourages connection through healing and authenticity.
What do you do? Tell us a little bit about your work.
As Executive Director of the Restorative Justice Institute of Oklahoma, I lead our work to build a more restorative and equitable culture in Oklahoma. Our aim is to help individuals, families, schools, organizations, and communities find healing and safety, one hard conversation at a time. We understand that harm, conflict, and differences are natural parts of life, and we strive to prepare our communities to face these moments with compassion, connection, curiosity, and creativity. Our primary tool is the circle—a practice rooted in Indigenous traditions that fosters relationship-building and repair through equal opportunity for sharing and listening. We train individuals to hold circles and embody these principles in all they do. Additionally, we work toward systemic change by ensuring that voices often silenced or ignored are heard in decision-making. For more information, visit our website.
What’s your favorite quote?
I love too many quotes to pick a single favorite, but one that has profoundly influenced me is by Audre Lorde, the Black feminist activist and poet: “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” I build my life around helping people find personal liberation by defining themselves and living their authentic truths, free from the confines of societal expectations. I’m also dedicated to fostering the tools, processes, and understanding needed to radically accept others as they define themselves.
What would your walk-up song be?
This may be the easiest question on the list. It will be Ooh La La by Run the Jewels. My colleague and I actually got to do a walk-up to this song for Disrupt HR Tulsa last fall. Linking the video here.
What is the most valuable career advice you’ve been given?
The best career advice I’ve encountered is now part of our restorative leadership development training. We call it ‘understanding full body consent.’ In both careers and personal life, we often face difficult decisions where our head, heart, and gut each pull us in different directions. Full body consent is about understanding ourselves well enough to know which one to listen to in those moments of conflict, without ignoring the others. In my past, I usually listened to my heart, and my mind would justify that choice. But one day, I decided to follow my gut over my heart. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
If you could learn any skill, what would it be?
I want to develop the skill of writing from the heart. Our marketing team often tells me that my writing can be wordy and sometimes unclear. I’m inspired by authors like James Baldwin, Ta-Nehisi Coates, and Jason Reynolds, who take readers on an emotional, spiritual, and intellectual journey. My goal is to learn how to write in a way that allows people to explore spaces within their being and/or imagination to find themselves.
What do you think is the best part about being a member of The Root Coworking?
The best part of being a member at The Root Coworking is the energy. It’s a place where I can be productive and feel socially engaged. Before joining, I enjoyed working out of coffee shops—I loved the buzz of people around me and often made connections with those I’d meet. The downside was getting caught up in conversations and falling behind on work. At The Root, I still get that lively atmosphere and connection with others, but I also have spaces, like offices or pods, to focus when needed. Plus, the community is incredibly diverse, with people from for-profits, nonprofits, creative fields, and more.
